just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize