my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
