He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
