About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
