Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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