Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
