no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
