and next time when you feel me up, do it right
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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