I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
two words...techno handjob
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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