1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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