you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
