You're my little dorito
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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