She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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