he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
