there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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