So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
