i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
