Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
