Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just had sex bonerless
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
