how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
