Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
