first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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