it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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