god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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