i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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