Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
