You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
