I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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