shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
