The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
