Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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