Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
