I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
