The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
