My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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