My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
