I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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