I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
