I just threw up on my dentist
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
