He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
