I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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