Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
