are you so shy because you have an std?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
