We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
