I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
