someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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