; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
