I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
