So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I didn't notice because vodka
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
