Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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