I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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