i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
