If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
