dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
