3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
