He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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