he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
