The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
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