the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
