do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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