After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
