I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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