I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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