so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
this just has baby written all over it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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