so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
