I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
