I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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