sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
