I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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