So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
