it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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