I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
