I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
